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Sun 29 August 2021

The Importance of Finding the Right Help

Meet Freddy and his incredible story about the importance of finding the right help.

I was involved in a violent incident in the workplace. A man under the influence of drugs was paranoid, aggressive, intimidating and making threats to kill my colleagues and I. Despite our best efforts to de-escalate him, the situation quickly turned violent and we had to subdue the man in order to protect him and the other clients. As a result multiple staff were injured in responding to this incident.

After the incident I was shaken and I called my partner to talk through what had happened. The coming days and weeks were mentally and physically draining, the surges of emotion were overwhelming and I started to have flashbacks. A report was made and I spoke to my managers but I felt like they were downplaying this serious incident. In the end they did offer me a referral to the Employment Assistance Program (EAP) for free counselling sessions.

I was left wondering why I was doing this job and why was it expected that incidents like this are just part of the job? I didn’t like that in order to keep myself and others safe that I had to be so physically hands on with someone – even though that person was trying to kill us.

I couldn’t stop thinking about the incident and it made me question everything in my life. I wasn’t sleeping and I was having flashbacks as well as being hypervigilant, emotional and fearful. I wasn’t used to being so preoccupied with my own safety, while also wondering if I was capable of doing my job. Being in a ‘blokey world’ I didn’t know who to turn but I knew that I needed to get help.

With my partners support, I organised the EAP referral and was allocated a male counsellor. Unfortunately, this counsellor nullified my experience as well as my emotional response to the situation. He suggested that this is to be expected in my line of work and that I needed to find a way to deal with it. The session was cold, uncomfortable and robotic; there was no safety to be vulnerable. The counsellor told me that I was only entitled to one session and that he was now going on leave. I left annoyed and frustrated that the counsellor was so preoccupied and not listening to me. I was also embarrassed that I had opened up and shared what I was struggling with only for the response to be so gender stereotyped and invalidating. I started to question if I was overreacting but I was also disappointed that it was just assumed that because of the type of incident and that I was a male that I would be best suited with a male counsellor.

My partner encouraged me to contact EAP and request a different counsellor. Being allocated another male instantly made me reluctant but this turned out to be a completely different experience. The first session began with the counsellor setting up the space and talking through how the six allocated sessions might look. This counsellor spoke differently, he opened up a safe space while actively listening, asking follow up questions and sitting in silence while I worked through things out loud. I felt validated and supported, so I actively participated in the sessions. The counsellor helped me work through questionnaires and activities to map out how I was actually going and help me make sense of my thoughts. These activities highlighted that I was on the cusp of a PTSD diagnosis. The counsellor was proactive and wanted to help me because he felt that if I wasn’t treated it would most definitely result in PTSD. This was mind numbingly terrifying, I didn’t want a diagnosis or a label but hearing how his situation looked clinically helped me accept that I wasn’t over reacting and that my feelings were warranted.

The counsellor informed me that we would need to unpack everything and repack it in a healthy way in order for me to move on. Towards the end, the counsellor applied for me to have extra sessions. Rather than rushing me through the healing process in the given six sessions, he advocated for me to have more time to go at my own pace which led to a better recovery.

The counsellor gave me practical exercises to work through my anxiety, emotional responses and flashbacks. We also worked on sleep and breathing exercises; using mindfulness, relaxation and meditation.

I still experience flashbacks but they are not as intense and they don’t impact me like they used to. I am passionate about raising awareness about the dangerous nature of stereotype assumptions – people don’t need their same gender for support. There needs to be an individualised approach, talking to people about what they need and who might be best suited to support is crucial.

I am so grateful for my second experience, but I was so close to giving up on getting help after my first experience was so negative and it terrifies me to think of where I may have ended up. It is also so concerning how many other people give up after their first experience of counselling if it’s a negative one. I can’t stress enough that you really need to find the one that’s right for you.